Search
  • Brittany Bluhm

part one of my 2019 post

Updated: Mar 12, 2020

One time I had a goal to blog once a week annnnnd look how that went...I LITERALLY haven't blogged in a year!...But, I thought getting in ONE blog for 2019 would be nice for myself and the one other person who reads my blog (hi mom!) Of course today was the LAST possible day to do that(PROCRASTINATION at its finest.)


Anyway, Lets jump right into it. Last year, on this EXACT day, December 31, 2018... I sat at my kitchen table SOBBING my eyes out

(the ugly cry) and asked God "When can I just be okay? And when can the pain stop?..why do I always have to be growing or becoming healthy?!" .... The last 3.5 years thats all I feel I have been doing...allowing healing to take place in my life and choosing to be healthy in all areas..HEART, SOUL, MIND & BODY (we will talk about this later on in 2021 by the rate that I'm going)


I honestly didn't think 2019 would be anything special because the first 3 days of the 2019 I cried all day (and night)I was heartbroken (or so I thought) and felt FORGOTTEN by God.



I had a list of expectations and things I felt that needed to be done in my life. Things that God needed to do now..(or not do) I would pray for these things- and say that I was willing to do anything He asked of me...But I was quick to tell Him the things He couldn't touch in my life.

small example: "God, I will wait patiently for the man you have for me.. But He can't be (____FILL IN THE BLANK___) and don't have him (____FILL IN THE BLANK____)and please don't let him be weird. also, let him be rich."


>> here is the deal.. I knew what I needed to do. deep down there was the tugging of what needed to be surrendered in my life and the silly part is- I was so scared to let go of control of my future to the one WHO KNOWS MY FUTURE.(but really its not silly.. its real. surrender is hard.)


For the next 7 months (of 2019) I was MISERABLE..and it probably wasn't so obvious (because I didn't cry everyday in front of people) but there was an underlying sadness and I felt so alone. No one knew what I was feeling because I used people to cope. I constantly needed to be with people and when I was with people- it distracted me from the pain. If I wasn't with someone- I would keep myself busy with some project that I probably procrastinated on.



It wasn't until AUGUST that the way that I had been feeling changed. (I'm not going to share this part of the story with you yet because I'm running out of time now.)


BUT, I had to come to a place OF COMPLETE SURRENDER.


AND THEN....EVERYTHING changed. Not my CIRCUMSTANCE but the way I viewed EVERYTHING. The way I viewed Myself, The way I viewed God, the way I viewed my PURPOSE and the way I viewed the people in my life.



The months August-December have became my favorites// LITERALLY the last 5 months of 2019 have equalled out to be the best months of my life...



SO all of this to say.. Let go of expectation of 2020 and TRUST God. He knows you. HE HAS YOU. You're NOT FORGOTTEN.


-> I promise to write PART TWO sometime soon...and I will go more in depth with certain things..But for now, I must go pick up my sushi and eat it alone:) HAPPY NEW YEARS, FRIENDS.










0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

On December 31st I realized I had not blogged in 2019. That seemed like a major fail. So, I quickly wrote about something I had wanted to share- but I needed to pick up my sushi order so I cut the blo

When I was in 2nd grade we were out in the baseball field for recess playing kickball and there were animal tracks in the sand. Some of the kids started talking about what animal they thought it was a

This is my first post..and I wasn't gonna say anything about it being my first post... But then I don't want to act like it's not a big deal that I finally launched my blog after a century of talking